SET ME FREE

Last night I started the *There & Then and Here & Now, Revelation study with Beth Moore.* I was amazed and just blown away by the first lesson. If you have not sign up for this study, please find someone teaching it and study it.

One thing we talked about it that I have been dealing with is bondage. Not bondage like we all think of today as in the 3 little word that starts with S and ends in X and has an E in the middle. haha But bondage of something that is not letting you be FREE. Free of guilt, free of him (noticed I used the little *h*). Nor bondage of sin, although we all fall short and sin. But something that I have not been able to *LET GO OF* that has constantly been a slap in my face for the last several months.

Beth Moore says *Bondage does not hold us, but yet we hold on to it.* *We have a choice to let it go and be FREE, to have that FREEDOM* So why do we hold on it? More importantly, why am I holding on it?

So I have to make that choice. and trust me, I have made that choice to let it go. And here I thought it hasn't let go of me... silly me. I guess I haven't truly let it go or is that because its been a constant in my life....

But as I struggle with this, I am reminded of the one that LOVES me. I am told to *forgive and move on* Because if I can't forgive then how can He forgive me of my sins. and that I WANT from Him. I want to be forgiven, I want to hear *Job well done, my faithful servant*.

But as I struggle with this, I am grateful for what He has done for me, my family, my loved ones. I have healthy children. so makes my struggle look like a little peddle compared to these families that are battelling cancer.

I have a few girls and boys that I follow on TWEET and Caring Bridge. Some of which are doing great and other that have WON THEIR ANGEL WINGS.

You know life is short, life is hard, life is life and sometimes its a hard journey/road to travel on. So why make it harder for you or others? Why do we do that to ourselves or our loved ones knowing its short, knowing it will hurt them. Why???

So here I am making MY choice, my choice to let you, my bondage, go.

I pray that God will guide me through this journey and give me the strength and knowledge and hold me on this journey. I pray for me that it wont be a journey but a fast trip. I pray, I cry out to You on behalf of the families that are dealing with CANCER- what a nasty word to even say. Wish it were a bad word and one we couldn't say in our home. Wouldn't that be nice. I hate cancer, and what it does to everyone- its a ripple effect- it hurts everyone.

So what's your bondage, and why have you not chosen HIM who gives YOU/us FREEDOM?!?!

stopping vs. more

ok- so its hard to say its over, we are done and come to grips with it. But I keep thinking to myself that I am done. but there is this little part of me that wants more. I keep thinking of all the fun things we can start doing and planning, some things that I can get and do and I am cool with it. Then I think but what if we have 1 or 2 more... then I start thinking about what if things going really bad for me and my baby, do I really want to go thru that again. Because I don't. 

For those of you that d

on't know. I had Placenta Previa with Caden. God-thankfully I had a great outcome. He was born via c-section 4 weeks early and weighed in at 6ibs & 9oz and was 191/2 inches long. HEALTHY BOY!!!!!!! Lungs, eyes, hearing, everything checked out as if he was on time. (THANK YOU LORD FOR MY HEALTHY BOY!) When I think about it, there are so many emotions that go with being pregnant. My Mom, & sister both had great pregnancies and deliveries, why am I the exception. Bed rest with both Ellie and Caden, odd things with both end of pregnancies. When I think about having another one, I get excited, and think, "OH! another baby. How fun and exciting." and it is. I wouldn't take anything back. But then, the what if's. and I don't think I would be able to handle another what if pregnancy. People tell me t

o wait a couple more years and then try (1st off there is no try, its do for E & I). But then I say *STARTING OVER* ummm, no thank you. Am I crazy or something... hahaha 

so... yes, I told E that I think I am done last night. First time I have admitted it out loud, and now I am saying it on here. 

I believe I am done. 

Is it hard for everyone to say that? If I say it, then I have to mean it, and if I mean it, then I have to do it and if I do it, then there is NOO going back. and thats the hard part about it. 

Growing up I always wanted a BIG family- 11 kids. Well, 11 kids was out of the question, so I said 7, but then thought, 4 would be great- nice even number. Now 2- really?!!?! so yes, I think 2 is great. I like my small family and E likes kn

owing we are done. So IF I still feel this way by the beginning of 2010 it is off to the clinic for me :) 

ok- so here are a couple pic. of my lovely kids :)

Happy ending right!!!

Ellie & Eric swimming and shooting me & papa Steve with water... 

Caden being Caden

Smiling with his tongue hanging out :)

Beautiful Christian Sister!!

(My Grandma, My Sister, Me & My Mom)

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER     

By Maya Angelou 

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ 

That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'  

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''  

I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.  

I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.  

I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.  

I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect, 

 My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..  

I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,  

I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as Pretty does... But beautiful is just plain beautiful!

I'm supposed to send this to BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, and you are one of them!

 If you share this with other women, you will boost another woman's self  esteem, 

and she will know that you care about her. 

Pictures ARe here

Below are a few pictures of the kids (mostly Ellie). I have a few more, but I need to get them off my camera. As soon as I do that I will stick them on my BLOG. 

The SCOOP on us

Ellie will be turning 2 in a couple more days- Thursday the 8th at 9:12AM. I can't wait!!! 

Caden is 4 months old now. 

Eric went back to work after having 2 weeks off :(

Me- enjoying life with my family

I was holding Caden real close to the TV and he was watching it- we were watching Monsters Inc - and he just started laughing at it. It was hilarious. Then last night, i had him facing me on the couch, and he was turning his head to see the TV. So yes, my 4 month old likes to watch TV. ha ha ha :) 

Back to the ZOO!!! and other stuff

Today, we had a field trip to the ZOO!!! We went with a few ladies and their sweet toddlers from church. It was such a beautiful day outside to go, the weather was lovely. Today we saw the turtles- the never ending *wrestling* turtles!!! ha ha ha :) There were some young kids their yelling, "LOOK!!! That one is having a baby. If you look you can see the babys shell. ITS HAVING A BABY. ITS HAVING A BABY!!!" We all just laughed at that. I did take a few pictures of them playing during lunch time, but wont be posting any of them- sorry. You can look below and see when we went to the ZOO last month. I took a quite a few pictures from that trip. 

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Have to brag about my LOVE!!! He got promoted to a Lead position at Orbital. I am sooo excited for him and us for this great opportunity. WAY TO GO LOVE!!!! 

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My Dad left for KY this evening. He will be spending the day with my sister, and her family on Friday and then they will be driving from KY to AZ. MY SISTER IS COMING TO TOWN!!!! Her and her 4 kids will be here for 2 weeks. Sadly, Don wont be coming back, he has to work! Prays for him and his family- he got a new job- pray that this job will work out for him and be what they need. But yes, my Dad is brining them here... I can't wait to spend 2 weeks with her, Hannah, Grace, Charlie and Kellar. Its going to be sooo much fun. And what a nice Thanksgiving this year is going to be. 

PRAYER WARRIORS

A good of mine, a sister in Christ and husband are asking, wanting, needing prayers on behalf of their little sweet angel. She is only a day younger then Caden- as you can see this is heavy on my heart as well. 

She will be under going heart surgery this coming Tuesday. She will be a few days shy of being 8 weeks old. Please keep their sweet little angel and her Mommy and Daddy in your prayers 

For her healing

for all the Dr. and staff that will be working on her and with her

For comfort for her Mommy and Daddy during this time

for God to be seen through their eyes

Thank you in advanced for your prayers for them. 

God is Great

How Great is MY God

FACEBOOK

WOW! Let me just say I could spend hours just seeing who I know and who they know. and the pictures- WOA!!!! Some girls need to tone it WAY WAY WAY Down. Or is it like a pick up place. But yeah, wow. 

babies

i know I (we) say we are done (for my personal reasons) but seeing all these cute ones makes me want another one.... the odd thing is mine is 4 1/2 weeks old. Am I nuts? Is this the baby blues? I know its hormonal and changes day to day & minute by minute.... but a baby.... how come they cant just stay babies. i know i know i know but I still want another... maybe bc I know we (I) are done and its a sad thing (time) in my life. especially since I wanted 11 kids to start off with now I'm down to 2... ***sad sigh***

MOMDOT.com

As I said before, I am not much of a cook, but for my *Boy Friend* (aka Love of my life, My E, My Hubby) I am becoming one for him. Only 3 years in the making. I stumbled on this Blog; MomDot.com and saw that they are having a contest, give away to win one of these lovely aprons. I want the Dorthy Apron in Yellow. Anyways... what a way to get me to start cooking, Throw on my hills, garder, apron & gloves and start cooking for him. Instead of stress out cooking wife, I will be a sexy stress out cooking wife. ha ha ha :) At least I will be sexy for him and not in my every day clothes (which for now my P.J's) So go to their website and enter to win an apron.

Bogs, Babies, and Stuff

BAre with me as I am *up dating* my Blog. I have 3 columns now in stead of 2, I changed the comment & posted by thing, and I am trying to get a new back ground. Yes, I have a new one, but I found one that I really like. so I am working on getting that up. the thing is (WOW! I just sounded like E), I might lose everything. Which isn't a big deal, I will just have to spend another day putting it together AGAIN! HEY!!! I have nothing but TIME on my hands. 

GUESS WHAT??? I am 36 weeks TODAY!!!!! SWEET BABY!!! The only negative thing about my Dr. is he told me I would probably have our baby by now- proved him wrong. I am going to term- another 4 more weeks. IF it were my plan, I would have him/her on Wed. Sep. 24th. That way I can come home Thursday, and E will have the weekend with Ellie, me and new baby ______ McBride. that, and I like the Birth-Date. 

Labor Day Weekend is coming up! How exciting, a 3 day weekend. Was planning on having people come over for a cook-out, and doing a lot of house hold stuff. NOW I get to have a nice long weekend with my Loves and watch them do all the work as I sit on this comfy black chair and do nothing. Don't be surprised if one of these days you all come over and I am going bald. This RELAXING stuff is hard work. It was fine until now. Now, I am going crazy. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY I SAY!!!! I think thats why I am doing my Blog Stuff because I can now. 

A week in Paradise

Paradise as some would say...or NOT!!!!

So what am I talking about?  A Cali Trip with my Family, A nice long weekend in N.M with my In-Laws, or a boring stay in the Hospital????? If you guessed one of the first 2, you are wrong- sadly but surely we didn't not do any of that, but the last one. 

Sunday in the middle of the night, I had another episode of bleeding. Thankfully it was not as scary or as bad as the first time. I called my Dr. to see if I needed to go to the Hospital and he said yes- so off we go (Mom, Eric and me- Dad stayed home to be with Ellie). We were thinking they would send us home since nothing was happening. Boy were we wrong. 

For the 1st 48+hours I was on an I.V., Fetal Monitor, Blood Pressure Cup, 100% confined to bed (which means no bathroom breaks), and nothing to eat or drink (EVEN WATER or ICE CHIPS!) For those of you that have had kids know that you have to eat every meal and snack all through out your day. So to go 48 hours with NO FOOD was so hard. I would rather give birth over and over then go without food. 

Monday I met with a High Risk Dr to talk about the complications of giving birth (which I already knew everything he told me), and we also talked with a NNP- They are the ones that take care of premies. Finally after meeting both of them I got the OK to eat food, bathroom breaks, no Fetal Monitoring and NO IV!!! Which I was so glad to be off of those- especially since E was bringing Ellie to me that evening. 

Both the Dr. and I compromised- we agreed that they would let me go to Full Term (No plan C-section), and they/he (my Dr.) would keep a close eye one me. And that they would let me go home after a week IF 1)no bleeding 2) no contractions 3) baby is doing good AND 4) I was doing good. The plan was to come home on Sunday. From Wednesday on my nurses kept asking me *why I was there and to see if they could get me to go home.* So when one of the nurses told me that Saturday morning, I just laughed and said good luck. Was it luck or God on my side? I believe God was. Since I didn't have any of the above, I was home by 12p on Saturday. Which was really a blessing. Ellie was sooo excited to see me home- I think we both cried. She didn't leave my side all day. And if I left her, it was very heartbreaking (for her and me). 

I promised that I would stay in bed/couch and do little to no activities. And if you all know my Mom you know I am not doing anything. (thanks Mom for taking care of Ellie and me). Since I have to do that, I have to have someone at the house at all times to take care of Ellie (and me). and I promised him I wouldn't be a lone- for bleeding purposes. Which I don't want to be alone either. God Thankfully Eric has been home each time and Ellie has been a sleep. If I have to bleed thats a good time to bleed. 

I have 5 weeks and 2 days left before my due date. Thats a lot of sitting and doing nothing. But I more then glad to do this for the safety of our unborn baby and myself and to be home doing nothing to be with Eric and Ellie. Eric got a taste of what it would be like without me and being a single parent. I got a taste what it would be like if we shared Ellie. Either one of us did not like it. Every night I was able to spend an hour to two hours with Eric and Ellie. And it was something that I would count down the hours until 6pm. And then I would just cry and cry when they left. That was very hard to do. Knowing it would be another 24 hours before seeing either one of them. 

So anyways... that was my week in PARADISE!!!!! Yes, the nurses were fantastic, loved them all. Food in bed everyday, nothing to do but stare at the walls, watch a lot of OLYMPICS, Color many pages (with Ellie and alone), slept or tried to sleep all day and all night, and a lot of nothing. PARADISE BABY!!!!! :)  

Get Away

Before I went on bed rest and now staying low rest, Eric and I were able to get a way with some of our closes friends (and family). It was the 10 of us (Justin, Cheryl, Toni, Nate, Kevin, Erin, Chad & Jennifer and of course us 2). We stayed at the Westin Kirland Resort up in North Scottsdale. As E and I were walking up to the resort it reminded us of Maui. If you ever want to get a way and go to Maui but can't take the time off or afford it, stay at this place. The only thing missing is the Ocean and a few other things. We went up on Saturday and hung out by the pool for a few hours, then went back to our room and got ready for dinner. We ate at Tommy Bahama which was very good. I hear they have good Sangria!!! ha ha ha Then back to the Resort to sit and chat. The next morning we all had breakfast at their place which was sooooo good!!! I think I had like 2 plate fulls with lots of side helpings. (E- we need to eat there again. When we going???) Then off to the Scottsdale mall to walk around for a few minutes. We were going to to the Kirland Mall but it was a little hot outside- so we passed. then off to my parents house to go our little pumpkin. :) BOY DID I MISS HER!!!!! It was my first time away from her for that long. And even though I had a wonderful time with my BFF, E, I don't want to do that again any time soon. :) 

Ellie stayed with my Mom & Dad and the boys (Tay, Tan, and Bay). Apparently the boys were trying to play Basketball and she was wanting to play, too. My Dad had to follow her around the court so she wouldn't get bonked on the head. She had a lot of fun, playing with the boys (basketball, card games, and who knows what else). She read her books at the school desk which was very exciting. Picked many flowers with her Papa, fed the Chickens, and chased them, too. She had fun, which I am glad. 

When E and I got there, she snubbed us both. Broke my heart. We didn't get the warm welcome of her running up to us, saying "HI", or any of that cute stuff that she does. We got a look, I guess you can hold me attitude. She warmed up to E because he had food. At one point she wanted to go in the other room to get a ball and she wanted someone to go with her. So I got up, and she looked at me and said "no" and ran to my Mom. So my Mom took her to get her her ball. Then she came in the kitchen (where we were all sitting) and was throwing it. She got real excited and started to run to me, and then saw it was me and then went around me to get to my Mom. Yeah, I was pretty heart broken at that point. 

When we got home Erics Dad and Renee came over to see her. She had fun playing with them outside, taking his money (pictures are a few post down), and coloring. Then when they were leaving she either thought that I was going with them or she was going with them and she ran to me. YAYAYA I finally got in her good graces. She gave me the biggest kiss and even puckered up with a smack. Made me my day!! :)

After they left we went to his Moms house to get our dogs. (thanks Kimberly & Chris for watching them while were out). Since it was hot, we went swimming. Ellie was so brave she actually stuck her head in the pool to blow bubbles!!! Now, that is huge for her. She even wanted to go swimming out in the pool. She showed her Dadda how she swims under water- which I don't think he was ready for. She had a lot of fun swimming. Although it took her a while to warm up to it that evening but she did  it. 

So it was a great weekend!!! It was nice to get a way before our second baby comes. We wont be doing that again for a long time. So it was good that we did. Especially now that I can't travel. We were going to go to Cali for a long weekend, but with the unknown we have to stay here. 

The pictures at the top are of what Jennifer took. Hope they aren't fuzzy, because I took them off another w-site.  

Information

The next 3 post are new ones- make sure you look at her latest pictures of *taking money from her papa*, *Colors with Papa*, and *Eating Rwice out of the bowl*

Still no real news about my Placenta- the BIG question is, *is it touching or not touching* Either way I am doing really good- haven't spotted since last Monday which is a relief every time I use the restroom. I always say a little prayer before I go and then one to say *Thank You* afterwards. E & I's McBaby is doing great- strong heart beat, growing big, and MOVES around likes it no body else business.  I have pictures, but for whatever reason I can't get them on here. I will keep trying. She/he looks like Ellie- same nose and lips, and even has her fat cheeks. :) Can't wait to meet this little person inside of me. Or should I say I look forward to meeting this little McBaby :)

 

McBaby

Monday Evening we had a scare- I was told that I had Placenta Previa and to stay low. Which I did... maybe to low... Monday evening I started to bleed and was sent to the hospital. We were there for 4 hours and was able to go home afterwards. Even though I kept telling people that "I was not having this baby tonight" I still thought that I was going to be having her/him. Thankfully I am still pregnant and home on bed rest. Which is hard since I have an 18 1/2 month old that likes to play, read books, run around, play outside and whatever else. She is a great girl but keeps me busy. 

Eric and I are asking for prayers that my Placenta moves out of the range of Placenta Previa area (moves up). And that I don't have any more episodes of uncontrollable bleeding or any other complications for the next 8 weeks and while I am in labor and delivering our baby. 

We have an appointment with a Dr, his midwife, and my midwife on Friday to discuss our options and to get more information about what I am suppose to be doing. Meanwhile please pray for us and that we will turn out great. 

Thank you

Opening Doors...BFF...

Ellie has figured out that she can open up our doors. Its really cute to watch her- she thinks she is SOOO BIG. Every time she opens the door she has this huge smile on her face and laughs with an excitement. 

Kinley is one of her favorite friends. She saw a picture of me (mamma) and wanted it. So, I gave it to her. She then saw Kinleys picture on the refrigerator and dropped my pic. and pointed to Kinley, saying, her name and wanted her picture- NOT mine.  

and me note: I MADE DINNER and it turned out GREAT!!! :) go me!!! Yes, for those that don't me, I am not a cook. Ok, I am a cook, but I don't like to cook and don't. The times I have cooked it has always turned out good, great and a must have. But for one reason or another I enjoyed it. WHY???  Because I threw it all together and stuck it in a crock-pot. It cooked it self for 7hrs and put in a bowl and ate it! YUU-MMMY!!!!!

SLEEP....

Everyone NEEDS it. 

But why do babies fight sleep so bad?!?!?! My question for the day. 

Ellie is in need of a nap and a long one, too. 15-20min. of trying to get her to go to sleep- man what a work out that was, too. I finally just had to let her scream and cry it out. Which didn't last long. Although, my 2nd question is, "Is she really sleeping or is she playing?" I would give anything for someone to rock me to sleep, or say "Hey! Go to sleep." I wouldn't hesitate for one second and fight it. Days like today I normally would take a nap with her (in my own bed). But for once I am on a roll with my house. My deadline is ticking away and its getting louder and louder as we approach September 1st. That is when I am hoping that ALL projects in the house are completed 100%. The outside stuff is another story- titled: 

ITS TO DARN HOT TO WORK OUTSIDE!!!! 

But hopefully they will be done shortly afterwards. 

Ok- I don't hear any noises so lets pray she is sleeping and will wake up a happy camper :)

Off to go paint the 1.2 bath. E can you believe it?!?! I am going to finally finish one of my projects that I started MONTHS and MONTHS ago. GO ME!!! :) 

GIRLS are still in the lead around here....

Not that I am having a girl- still don't know. But 90% of Moms that I know of are having girls. However, one of my Best Girl Friends just had a boy. Oh and is he so ever cute! :) When Ellie saw him, she got sooo excited and just kept pointing to him and saying baby. She wanted to touch him and love on him. Made me feel happy, since we are just 3 months away from having our little one. But Congrats to her and all the other Mommys out there that are having babies. They are such a joy in our lives and what a great gift from God. One of the best... 

The never ending peeing breaks

Yes, I am sure you want to read about me and how often I pee- but seriously, the toilet and me are good friends; we are like this!!! (me crossing my fingers). They say that peeing all the time even in the middle of the night makes you get ready to be up all night with a baby. I somehow did not see that when I had Ellie. At least when you pee you can pretty much do that in your sleep, with Ellie (in the beginning) I would wake up. I think only because I was afraid she would wake E up, and I didn't want him to wake up since he was the one bringing in the doe- more important for him to sleep then me. I will say, I do work, and I work like a CLOCK! Me and my BFF will be seeing eachother at 317a on the dot and I mean dot. Why is that? About 5 out of 7 nights I wake up right at 317 or just before or afterwards. If I am really really tired its more like 4ish, but that just because I am cozy and don't want to attempt to get out of bed. Getting out of bed is an ordeal for me. I somehow pulled a muscle in my butt years ago, and it flared up when I was prego with Ellie and now again with this baby. And it is a dozy. I mean BIG dozy. 

So now that you know me and my body parts (ha ha ha), I hope you all sleep better then me. Which is a very likely thing. :)

Ni-Night

Silent Night

Later to the rest

New Songs

check out my songs- 

Make sure to listen to the 2nd song- I've dedicated it to Ellie, my Pumpkin :) 

The Fishin in the Dark is to my Dad

Silent N Night- my Mom & Dad- Now I sing it to Ellie as her Ni-Night Sonk

The rest are to MY LOVE, My Best Friend for life, The Dadda of my kids, MY E- they are:

I'll Be- Our First Dance as married people

All I ask of You- Played in our wedding ceremony (my song to E)

Songbird- A song that we both love & enjoy- its in our wedding video (wanted to dance to it, but its a bit on the slow slide)

CINDERELLA

This is E's song to Ellie. Its very bitter sweet. 

If you all don't know about this artist, he wrote this song to his 3 adopted daughters. The youngest one just died- she got ran over by a car at the age of 5 years old. Our sympathy out to the Steven Curtis Chapman family. 

But what a beautiful song. You all have to listen to it....  

Its Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. 

Lets see what else I can add to my boring blog. tee-hee-hee